I decided to do a post on this topic because it’s been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for over a decade now.

But why this? How is this even related to me?

Well, truth is, I’ve been through it firsthand and I know exactly what it feels like from a child’s perspective.

I haven’t told anyone other than a few close friends. But what they often see is a girl who appears untroubled, no more bothered by what has happened in the past and now filled with the joy of the present and the future.

It’s a facade.

I don’t think I will ever get over what my dad did to me, to my mum, to our family. They reason it to be the advertising industry he was working in, the fact that they weren’t Christians then, and that they didn’t know how to truly treasure the marriage.

Every single one of those excuses, no doubt make sense, but they are still excuses nonetheless.

I found this site that gives an accurate detail of marital infidelity and it’s effects on children. (Note: The effects may not necessarily be similar across all individuals but as far as I’m concern, they apply to me)

- Loss of trust
When children of any age learn of a parent’s infidelity, they usually find it extremely difficult to if not impossible to trust that someone they love will not lie to them, reject, or abandon them. They very often learn not to put their faith in love, and they may also lean that they’re not worth receiving monogamous love.

- Shame
A child may feel as if the betraying parent’s sexual transgression is a black mark against himself and the rest of the immediate family. And if the child has been pressured by the cheating parent to “keep the secret” of infidelity from the betrayed parent, the child is left with the added and unwarranted burden of guilt.

 - Confusion
When marriage includes infidelity, children often draw the conclusion that marriage is a sham and love an illusion. And when parents stay married even when one or both parent(s) continues having affairs, the effect on children is profound confusion about the meaning of both love and marriage.

-  Anger & ambivalence toward betraying parent
When infidelity partially defines a parent’s character, the child often feels torn between feelings of anger and yearning. Some even express this emotional conflict in terms of there being two mothers or two fathers—the one who used to be their parent (and was deserving of their love) and the one who was revealed when the infidelity was brought to light (and whom they now “hate”).

 - Resentment toward betrayed parent
Some children resent the betrayed parent for requiring them to be their emotional caretaker, for under-parenting due to preoccupation with the infidelity drama, or for having been unable to prevent the infidelity in the first place.

– Acting out
Rather than confronting sad, angry, or confusing feelings directly, children may exhibit behavioral problems during childhood and intimacy avoidance during adult years. Issues of promiscuity may arise in an attempt to play out what a child perceived from his parents about the impermanence of love.

Source: http://www.ananogales.com

There are of course several other ways in which I’ve been affected. This includes the never-ending emotional pain that haunts me every single time I watch a movie with cheating, parents fighting, etc.

So for those who have gone through this or are going through it right this very moment, know that you’re not alone. If you need someone to talk to, drop me a comment or email me at the.copywriter@hotmail.com with the subject “Ask Vanessa”.

Hope to hear from you soon!

According to study researcher, Justin Garcia from the Binghamton University in New York, there in one particular gene variant, known as DRD4, that may determine if your girlfriend is wired into promiscuity.

Okay, we’re not telling you to go have your girlfriend tested (and please, don’t start pulling strands of her hair, pricking her ‘unintentionally’ or scrapping DNA from her tongue – she’s gonna get pissed).

Unfortunately, there really isn’t any other way of finding out. However, if your girlfriend loves horror movies and favors the color blue,  you’ll have to be on guard. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll cheat on you. But researchers have found that those are just two of the many signs that infidelity and one-night stands are her thing.

On a side note, the genetic variation, DRD4 is also linked to gambling addiction, alcoholism and liberalism. People with this gene tend to have stronger urges, desires and motivations. Hence, constantly seeking thrill-inducing experiences.

In the study conducted by Garcia and his team of fellow researchers, DNA samples and the detailed sexual history of 181 young adults were gathered. Upon studying their DNA structures and comparing it to the sexual history, those with the gene variation were more likely to have some sort of history with cheating and flings than those without it.

Take note of the words “more likely“. Not everyone with this gene will cheat or have one-night stands. 50 percent of those tested positive for the gene kept their wandering urges under tight control, and even those without it had shady sexual pasts too.

You know, having a girlfriend with this gene isn’t so bad after all. She’ll be a whole lot of fun because of her thrill-seeking nature. She’ll probably love to explore for adventures like skydiving, rock-climbing, snowboarding and jet-skiing.

Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain is an eye-opening and emotionally-intriguing memoir written by Portia de Rossi (starred in Ally McBeal & Arrested Development).
This newly published book tells the story of Portia’s life struggle with her eating disorder and sexuality.

Inspirational & heart-warming – worth the read, worth the buy.

Portia talks about her latest pride in an interview on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

With special thanks to courtneypmbowie for the videos. Copyrights belong to Harpo, Inc. No copyright infringement intended. Videos for educational purposes only under the Fair Use Act.

Honestly, i know what it feels like. And I’m not proud of it.
At 16, I took up a job at a diners. That’s where I got to know this guy and his girlfriend who were also 16 then, and working there to pass the school break – just like me.

Within a month there, I began to notice he was coming on to me. Being the quiet girl I was, I didn’t really know what to do about it.
I got phone calls, flirtatious remarks, suggestive text messages and even him cornering me at back of the kitchen when his girlfriend went to the ladies. It was insane and I felt so awful the whole time.

Without allowing for things to progress, I decided I had to quit my job, or the situation might just get too messy.

Today, I’m writing this for ‘the other girl’ from ‘the other girl’s’ perspective.

If you ever find yourself caught in a situation similar to mine, the right thing to do is to make him choose. Unless you are cool with the idea of an open relationship,  never let the guy bask in the pleasure of having you as his ‘back-up’ girl.

Love cannot be shared when in a relationship. He either loves you or he doesn’t – he can’t possibly love the both of you. The last thing you’d want is to stay on in a relationship that isn’t really one. She’s still his girlfriend and you’re just the other girl.

But what if he breaks up with her to start a new relationship with you? Is it going to work out?

The bigger question is: If he cheated on her with you, can you trust that he won’t do the same to you?

Cheating is bad, but cheating can also be a wake up call that leads to not only something better but a better him.

According to psychotherapist, M. Gary Neuman, the chances of a lasting relationship with a guy that cheated will improve, if he cheated when not married or engaged at that time.

However, this does not determine if he will or will not repeat this mistake and cheat on you. It is a risk you’ll take by putting your heart in his hands.

It will be wise of you to have a talk with him. Let him know you are fully aware of what he did to his previous girlfriend and that you want complete honesty from him. Keep it open between you two – talk about your feelings – whether positive or negative.

If he proves that he has learned from his mistakes, then this relationship might just last beyond what you could ever imagine!

“What do you think about boyfriends who are still friends with their ex- girlfriends?”

Honestly, i have my fair share of paranoia. I’m a jealous girlfriend – seriously. While I do keep in touch with my ex-boyfriends, it does bother me to have my boyfriend keep in touch with his. Keep in mind, it’s not just exes that I’m worried about. Crushes, eye-candies, childhood sweetheart… you name it.

Trust me, I know the excuses from the guys too. They tell you, “oh, you’re thinking too much”, “you’re over-sensitive” and “we’re just friends”.

I understand that his ex is almost as good as you having to compete with another girl over him. Worst in fact. Thinking about the intimacy, the secrets, the laughter, the tears, and everything else they’ve shared as a couple will drive you crazy.

If you’re a girl going through this right now, I’ll advice you to tell your other half about how you are feeling. Openness is vital to every relationship. The last thing you deserve, is to secretly feel like you’re not his one-and-only. As his girlfriend, you should be feeling special, like you’re the luckiest girl in the world.

In such a situation you can:

1) Let your boyfriend know that you feel uncomfortable with him contacting his ex. You are now his girlfriend and he should be more worried about losing you than losing someone whom he knows he’ll never be living happily ever after with anyway. I mean, unless he’s playing you, he must see some sort of a future with you, right? And if that alone is not a good reason for him to break ties with her, you should consider leaving him for good -for your good. He should know his priorities; he should be mature enough to know what’s more important, or rather who is more important. Likewise, be a matured and smart girl too. A guy who can’t handle this, is not the guy for you.

OR

2) Tell yourself that there’s a reason why she is called an ‘ex’. It means they are are no-more, bye-bye, syonara. While you’re convincing yourself this, so is he and so is she. All of you are struggling and it’s about time all of you moved on. Trust him because you can’t be keeping an eye on him his entire life. She is just one girl out of the millions in this world. He is bound to walk past a girl prettier or sexier when he walks the streets. You will just have to trust him and believe in the power you have over him – you’re his girlfriend after all. So why did he choose you from the all the other girls in the crowd?

Now, reflect on that.

Gifts, presents and small surprises may seem insignificant to you but they are quite honestly, a major issue to girlfriends.

Look, I’m not implying that all girls are in it for material things cos if that’s what she’s really in for, consider cutting her lose – now!

Girls are generally in need of assurance that their boyfriends are thinking of them. That’s when a well-chosen gift can instantly transform her impression of you into a thoughtful and romantic gentleman.

No excuses, guys! Don’t start with the ‘I don’t know what to get for her’, ‘I don’t know what she likes’ or worst of all, ‘she’s too fussy’.
Shame on you!

Listen and pay very close attention. You will soon realise that your girlfriend will mention in passing the things that she desires to have.

Listening helps you learn of her wants and needs, likes and dislikes. This makes it a whole lot easier for you when it comes to getting a gift she’ll truly appreciate.

You can’t go wrong with bags, shoes, lingerie, earrings… you know, the usual girl stuff.

But a side-note: know her size cos size is a sensitive issue to her.

And another note of advice: Every girl should only open one box containing a ring from you. Don’t get couple rings of any other sort of ring before that. This will make the proposal ring all the more special to her. And besides, how many rings do you expect her to have on her fingers?

You shouldn’t have to wait for a special occasion to get her something. A random, out-of-nowhere gift will take her by surprise and take her breath away. Special occasions are times where she will expect a gift anyway, so the effects it will have on her are not so great – unfortunately.

I have to admit – I’m a Facebook Addict.

Please, don’t mistaken me for some creep who gets a high on ‘stalking’ friends through their photos and walls. Another confession, I’ve allowed the internet to take over the conventional way of socializing and networking.

But then again, I’m not gonna give a lecture on the importance of face-to-face communication. In fact, I’m doing quite the opposite.

Lately, surfing Facebook has led me to see a growing trend in break-ups  and make-ups (more of breakups actually).

I’ve been through it; I know how painful it can be.
But for many of us, thinking back to past break ups we had, only makes us say, “what the hell was I doing with that jerk in the first plce?”True, isn’t it?
But while the healing is still progressing, support from friends and loved ones indeed make a world of difference.

Here’s me, doing my part in reaching out to my broken-hearted friends out there.

My advice:
Let go of the pain and move on ‘cos there’s always something better coming your way.

Below are some famous quotes to help you through this journey:

“Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.”-Len Santos

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
-Deborah Reber“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
-E.M. Forster“The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.”
-Anonymous

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.”
-Dave Mustaine“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived”
-Margaret Mitchell

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us”
-Alexander Graham Bell

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
-Deborah Reber“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart”
-Washington Irving

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”
-Christopher Columbus

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
-Albert Einstein

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.”
-Anonymous

Source: http://lovesagame.com/

It’s going to be a tough journey. I’m not going to lie to you – It will hurt for quite a while. You will shed tears, you might have sleepless night and your life may just take a turn on you. But look at all of us who have gone through it and found happiness again.

If you want to remain annonymous yet need someone to talk to, a listening year or even a punching bag (!), drop me an email ( imcrappin@hotmail.com ), comment on this post, write in my guestbook…anything. I’ll do my best to support you through all the way.

I’m talking about the big S.E.V.E.N deadly sins that could kill your relationship. Take a read through to find out if you’re jeopardizing your love life.

1) Lack of Interest
This usually happens over time in majority of couples. Anyone who has been in a long relationship before, would understand this perfectly. This is where the passion that you once had starts to fizzle off and you start taking each other for granted.

The lack of interest can also refer to couples who just aren’t interested. They don’t bother finding out how their partner is doing at home or at work; they aren’t attentive to details such as what their partner enjoys eating, the movies he/she loves watching or even the times where he/she specially dresses up for an occasion.

Any couple who has reached this stage should find ways to re-ignite the fire for a successful, passionate and exciting relationship.

2) Your Definition of ‘Relationship’
What are your goals in this relationship?
What are you really expecting out of it?
Are you hoping for it to be like one of your childhood fairy tale love stories where your prince charming rides away with you on a horse and you’ll live happily every after? I’m sorry to say this, but you’ll be left disappointed. Every relationship will inevitably have its ups and downs. If you truly love someone, you will make it an effort day by day, every single day to make the relationship a happy and successful one.

3) Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the biggest threats to a relationship, usually sprouting from the fear of losing something – companionship, love, partner, etc. While most girls like to know that their boyfriends are easily jealous, there is always a limit.
Jealousy if put to the extreme, can result in  being over possessive and controlling, which often spells disaster.

If you are the jealous sort, you’ll understand that this is not easy to overcome but know that it can be resolved by first loving who you are, seeing the good qualities in yourself and developing trust in the relationship.

4) Stickiness
Similar to jealousy, stickiness or clinging is rooted to the fear of loss. It can manifests itself through different ways such as repeatedly  reassuring love for their  partner. Often verbally or  literally, making partner  feel trapped and increasing his/her need to escape.

5) Having Too High of Expectations
This is quite simple. I believe all of us who have gone into a relationship, have made the mistake of having too high expectations of our partner or of the relationship from the very start.
For example, believing that he is Mr Right, telling yourself this is the guy you’re gonna marry, stuff like that.

It’s not wrong to set standards, but if you’re raising the bar that high, you will only set yourself up to face disappointment.

6) Trapped in a Life Cycle
Do you find yourself waking up every morning caught in the same routine, from sunrise to nightfall, where even your sex life seems to be routine? Don’t be ashamed to admit it. You’re probably just one of millions out there who feel the same.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that everything about us just revolves around work, school, managing our finances, make a living, stuff like that.

Don’t get caught in this monstrous cycle; Don’t let it devour your relationship and most importantly, your happiness. Help each other break free by adding some spice into your love life, enjoy nights together by the beach, prepare candlelight dinners, (for the girls) surprise him with sexy lingerie perhaps?

There’s limitless possibilities – all just waiting to be tampered with.

 7) Loss of Communication
 So, we’ve all heard of how technology can practically take us away from conventional means of communication with our loved ones. The same applies to couples.

While we love the development of new technology, this God’s gift to mankind can in fact ruin what’s most dear to us.
Couples need to talk, they need physical contact like looking into each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands and embracing each other’s warmth.

A relationship that deals mostly through typing on the keyboard or keying alphabets on a mobile might just fail in the long run.

Communication also means understanding your partner. This is the mutual connection between the two of you. Knowing how your partner feels emotionally and what he or she thinks in different situations is one of the keys to a successful relationship.

Don’t lose the intimacy of connection and communication with each other. Have each other as a support to fall on in times of joy and in times of despair.

A

Aniseed - Ancient Greeks and Romans say sucking on the seeds increases libido.

Avocados - Contain vitamin B6, which increases production of male hormones.

B
Bananas – Potassium and B vitamins aid production of sex hormones. Regulates blood pressure, which if too high, may cause erectile disfunction.

C
Caviar - Zinc, found in caviar stimulates the creation of testosterone.

Celery - Contains androsterone, a hormone believed to attract females when secreted through sweat.

Chili Peppers – Releases endorphins and contains capsaicin, a chemical that raises our pulses.

Chocolate - Contains a stimulants phenylethylamine and theobromine, which act on the neurotransmitters of the brain to give you a sense of excitement The higher the cocoa content, the higher its effectiveness is.

Cucumber - In 2006, the Smell & Taste Treatment Research Foundation found that women were most turned on by the smell of cucumber

G
Ginger - Consumed in any form, the ginger is said to increase sexual powers and desire.

Ginseng - Similar to ginger, Chinese or Korean ginseng is believed to enhance sexual powers and desire.

O
Oysters – Probably the world’s most well-known aphrodisiac placed top of the sexy food list. They’re full of zinc which helps in the production of testosterone.

P
Pine Nuts – Similar to oysters and caviar, pine nuts are full of zinc, which is great for producing sperm and increasing the libido.

S
Sweet Basil – Some people think that basil stimulates your sex drive and boosts your fertility.

T
Truffles - The musky aroma might excite the palate which can lead to some stimulation and arousal elsewhere too.

You know what I’m talking about – Valentine’s Day.

Is it really over-hyped and too commercialized? Or are you simply being bitter and jealous because to you, February 14th is Valentine’s Day minus the valentine?

Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m sure all of us (except for the few lucky ones) have spent at least one VDay alone by ourself. Why not indulge in some single-hood fun to take your mind off things?

1. Gather some unattached friends for a nights out at a bar, restaurant, club or the movies, and prove to yourselves that singles still have more fun!

2. Invite a bunch of close friends over for a movie, a sleepover, or just about anything you guys/ gals enjoy doing together.

3. Since you’re not splurging on anyone over Valentine’s Day, use that to splurge on yourself instead. Treat yourself to some shopping, massage, , a good meal, whatever.

4. Rent yourself a collection of movies starring your favorite actor or actress, and spend the night feasting your eyes on your ultimate celebrity crush!

5. If you’re still envious and want yourself a taste of Valentine’s Day, drag your best bud on a ‘date’, exchange gifts and spend some quality time with each other.